Both of those felt like you had ripped my heart out and stomped on it. When you told me about Becky, I thought I might throw up! Then I hit you and ran from your room. I went right to my bathroom and put cold water on my face until I calmed down. I couldn’t understand why you would do such a thing. Now I have a better understanding, but I have a serious concern, Big Brother. How can I be sure it won’t happen again?”“I guess the only thing I can say is that I’ve conquered that fear, or at least got it under control so that I’m not controlled by it. Jennie Sanders once told me that sex changes us in unpredictable ways and changes the very nature of a relationship. That’s what scared me, Stephanie. What if it ruined our relationship because of the changes? What if things fell apart? That’s the deep-seated, subconscious fear I had.“Do I still think that’s possible? Yes. Do I think it’s probable? No. I think our love transcends any potential negative effects between us. It might wreck. "Will everyone call me Rachel now?" Well that's what happened to me, and what happened to Josie," saidPaula. "Somehow Santa's magic alters memories. Everyone except you tworemember me as Paula, and everyone except me and you remember Josie asJosie. So I'm sure everyone will just remember you as Rachel."And so it was. When they finally came downstairs for dessert, it didindeed seem like everyone thought that the three former boys had alwaysbeen Rachel, Paula and Josie.*****Later that night. Rachel found that her mattress was now in the girls'room. With Sarah and Tara also in the room, she couldn't talk about whathad happened. So she quickly got undressed and into a nightie. Under thecovers, she felt herself a little more, in wonder and a littledisbelief.As before, her labia felt wonderfully smooth and soft, and she loved howeverything was tucked inside. Feeling a little inside her outer labia,she eventually found a tiny little nub, which she would later discoverwas her clitoris..
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